Unfit unhealthy and generally need a kick up the bum

well the title says it all i guess..

now to put my life in a bigger prospective I am constantly on the go...I dont tend to go home most nights, sit on my bum and watch endless hours of tv.

Yet I am now struggling at the gym - due to the break I had while in my last relationship, the fact i used to eat wrong and all the wrong stuff  and I am addicted to chocolate!

So i have started going back to classes at the gym - 2/3 per week and I meet my sister there to make me go. I sweat buckets, feel soo unfit but I know that it's little steps and one day i'll feel a bit better and manage a bit more.

The trouble is I have carpal tunnel in both my wrists. I had surgery for this 3 months ago in my right wrist and although it's healing nicely I have absolutely no power, strength and very little grip in my right hand/ arm. Im trying to work on this but a push up is a task (doesnt help with my weight either).

Its not all negative though...my weight is shifting Im a stone down already but i really dont feel it.

I have a personal trainer waiting for me to restart but at the moment I feel whats the point when im sooo heavy and pathetic lol...or maybe i need him to gove me the kick i require?

Im watching Fat: THe fight of my life with Jessie Pavelka and i love that program and monday nights epoisde there was a girl not far from me...she had to do 2 hours minimum of gym a day and eat 1400 calories. So thats my new target...get the gym sessions up and the calorie count down!

Ill let you know how i get on...if i survive! haha!

I ended up watching Eat, Pray, Love last night and while i like the 'idea' of the book and travelling for a year to find the person inside the ending is such a let down..she goes off with a man. The very thing she ran away from in the beginning.

It also led me to thinking most of last night about my part in all my relationships and how I very much feel the victim just now (yes even 3 months on) but at the same time I have to remember that i didnt like my life in coupledom....I didnt like having to come home every night straight after work, sort endless washing piles, think of dinner and what would need to be done for the two of us for the next day. Also the feeling that in order to spend time together we had to sit and watch a program in front of the tv. I had turned into everything that i didnt want to be and while I spoke to my then partner about it all and how i was feeling he just thought i was having a hissy fit about the housework again (although did very little to help).

So Ive got a bit of prospective...we werent right and ultimately we didnt fit when trying to work togther as a team.

I also suspect I am better on my own and while I would like to share my life with someone I also crave the independence of living alone. Is this a result of modern day living or just my indepence shining through?

So in the meantime while Im trying to get over my past relationship and in no way ready for the next I am going to plan my next adventure...

i suspect learning italian and planning a summer vacation there next year will be my next adventure, it's been stirring about for years and there seems no better time than the present!

or am i just reliving Eat Pray Love??

Feeling very cultural..

Well the midnight swim was fab! Girls loved it and I soooo want to go back!

Tosca was amazing and just being able to sit outside in a dress and have a wee picnic while you watch an amazing opera is so unreal. Wish they did it more often!

And on saturday I went to see Macbeth, it was a live screening of the play but sooo good!

I feel very cultural :)

this week is just more gym work, a work/dinner then tomorrow and then DIY at the weekend. Back to earth with a bump haha!

Swimming under the stars at midnight...

Does it get any better???

Im taking my guides to a local open air swimming pool tonight for a midnight swim. It's sea water and thankfully the weather's been fantastic so it'll be nice and warm :) There'll be music and laughter and even a trip to an amazing ice cream shop before hand.

Im well excited!!!!

and tomorrow im off to Duthie park to sit outside and watch Tosca opera thanks to BP's big screens :)

Loving the summer this year :)

Woohoo! The scales went in the RIGHT directions

Morning :)

So today is weigh in day....and the scales went in the right direction.....a 6lb loss!!!

That makes a stone so far since i started eating more healthier, drinking at least 2 litres of water a day and getting my bum to the gym at least twice a week.

1 stone down, 9 to go :( Baby steps though, baby steps!

Therapy or just some DIY?

So it seems my break did me good and I came back ready to tackle the world - or the rest of my flat lol!

My flat is looking amazing even if i do say so myself (the hard work and tears....yes there were tears..were all worth it so far! ) two rooms down but im a long way to being finished. Lots still in the pipeline and the floors are going to be the biggest tackle by far!!

The diy is theraputic and good for the soul i think. Im beginning to feel a lot more like me :)

Im also back at the gym with two classes this week and aching as a result. Cant believe how unfit and heavy i have got!! Im also full swing into ww and i think that is also helping to regain control of MY life again.

Cause at the end of the day that is all it is...giving up control/ letting someone else in. But i will admit i did feel I'd lost control for a bit with the endless weeping and not being able to stop, the lack of self confidence and everything else that goes with it. It amazing what you can hide behind closed doors.

So the weekend is upon us and a girly night is planned for tonight - woohoo! There will definately be bubbles involved :) I have a few errands to run tomorrow and thats about it really planning on chilling out - might take myself off to the park or a beach with my book if the sun is going to play along :) Will definately involve exercise and lots of healthy eating.

Have a lovely weekend :)

Well I decided to have a holiday...

It's been a hard few months for me and to top it off the exOH decided to email me to tell me he's seeing someone else (guess he's no longer lost then).

So I decided to get out of the city for a few days and go see some of my friends.

I chilled out

I went to visit the zoo

I had lie in's

I had some quality time with friends

I got to see Bon Jovi (even after all the faff with the ex keeping the tickets)

I relaxed

I also got my head in a better space

So I came home and met up with all my family had a great giggle and got some more DIY done. My house is looking better - more me!

Also booked a long weekend break with my family in August

Have a another holiday in the pipeline too :)

Now it's time to get back to work and enjoy what the future holds - it can only be exciting!